When Birth Leaves a Mark: Why Talking About It Can Help

Birth isn’t just a day or a moment. For many people, it stays with you - sometimes in ways you didn’t expect.

You might not even realise it at first. Maybe everything looked fine from the outside - your baby’s here, you’re recovering, life moves on. But something about it lingers for you.

Maybe certain memories make you feel uneasy. Maybe you replay the experience over and over.  Maybe you avoid talking about it altogether. Maybe you don’t even know what’s bothering you, you just feel off.  And often, especially after your first childbirth experience, you might think it’s normal to feel like that.

It’s a lot more common than people realise. Between 25% and 34% of birthing women and their partners consider the birth of their baby to have been ‘traumatic’ *

*There are many different figures available but Penny Simkins article on the subject, which is evidence based can be found here http://pattch.org/

“It wasn’t traumatic, but...”

Often, when people hear the word trauma, they think of emergency situations or dramatic stories. But birth doesn’t have to be dramatic to leave you with negative or mixed emotions.  

Maybe you felt out of control. Maybe you weren’t listened to. Maybe your birth plan went out the window, or you felt like decisions were made without you.

During labour, we are at our most vulnerable.  If we aren’t supported to feel safe during this time, this can have a lasting impact on how we move forwards as mothers and women.

Why talk about it?

Because when we don’t process difficult experiences, they often linger under the surface. For some people, it shows up as anxiety. For others, it’s feeling detached, angry, or tearful without really knowing why.

Sometimes it doesn’t hit until you’re pregnant again, or your child reaches a certain age, or you start thinking back and it just feels heavy.

During a traumatic event, the amygdala (the part of the brain responsible for our fight or flight response) goes into hyper arousal. Other functions within the brain are temporarily ‘suspended’ while the trauma is occurring, including our neo-cortex (the reasoning part of the brain) and the hippocampus (the part responsible for processing experiences into our long term memory.) 

Simply put – our extreme emotions remain heightened and linked to this memory and our brain is unable to effectively move it through the system.  Those emotions can re-trigger over and over from within the amygdala and in worst cases this is PTSD. In lots of other cases, this is still a traumatic experience and memory.

What can we do?

Sometimes, it is enough and usually it is recommended to review your birth experience with a professional (midwife, doula, healthcare specialist).  This can be in the form of a birth debrief where you are listened to, heard and supported through telling your experience

During this debrief, it should become apparent if you need more support to move forwards.

If your experience still feels stuck, the 3 Step Rewind process can help. It’s a gentle, structured way to revisit your birth story without reliving the emotion.

It’s not necessary to talk through every detail, and you’re always in control. It uses deep relaxation and guided reflection to help your mind put that experience in the past, so it stops intruding on the present.

It’s not therapy. It’s not about analysis. It’s about helping your brain to process the experience by detaching the extreme emotions you feel and allowing you to feel more calm and positive while still remembering the experience as it was.

3 step rewind practitioners are trained in walking women (and partners) through this process over 3 carefully planned sessions.

When is a good time?

Whether your baby is three weeks old or three years old, your feelings are the best indicator.  

Sometimes, you may not have the head space to realise you would benefit from talking.

There are so many emotions at play after the birth of your child, and you could feel elements of guilt, shame or inadequacy amongst so many other emotions.

It may take some weeks, months or longer for you to realise you are holding in your feelings and emotions.  There’s no deadline.

At Our Parenting Journeys, we are here to support you when you need it. Always with kindness, empathy and no judgement.

If you feel like you need more resources or support in dealing with your birth experience, get in touch with us for a free exploration call and more information on 1-2-1 consultations.